Fernanda learned that you need to have time for fun. Still, it can be hard to take time for herself.
Transcript
Having been a caregiver for so many years, I’ve learned that you got to learn to have some fun. But sometimes it’s hard, because when everybody else is having fun, you’ve got to go to the nursing home, you’ve got to take care of mom, or when [my mother and I] were living together I couldn’t just leave her alone. So, it wasn’t easy to just get up and go have some fun like everybody else. My life isn’t what everybody else has. My life is a hospital 6 times a week. I go in the morning and in the afternoon. It’s nursing homes. It’s constant hospitals because of the crises. Sometimes it feels like all that surrounds me is illness. Sometimes I feel like I just go, go, go, go because of my mother. It almost feels like the day she goes, I’m not going to be far behind her. I always joke with her and say, “Don’t worry mom.” She’s going to be burying me long before I bury her. That’s how sometimes it feels.
People always say, “You need to go to the gym. You need to take time for yourself.” You know what my first answer is? “At what time? At 2 in the morning?” Because I have a husband. My husband, he works shift work. […]He does so much himself. He works 4 days on, 4 days off. So on 4 days off, he really takes care of everything, but on the days that he’s working—and he works 12-hour shifts—I’ve also got to come home and take care of him. Somebody’s got to come home and take care of the dogs. So, it feels like we just go, go, go. Is there time for friends? Is there time to go to movies? Maybe once every 3 months. There’s just no time because when there is time, I am so tired. So tired that all I want to do is pass out. I just want to go to sleep all the time.
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- Hospitals and facilities – FernandaFernanda found good support from the client advocacy office, when her mother was in great pain without any specific treatment for it.
- Challenging emotions and feelings – Fernanda (2)When Fernanda’s mother went into a facility, Fernanda felt like she was betraying and abandoning her.
- Challenging emotions and feelings – FernandaFernanda’s social worker was a big help: she assured her that her negative feelings were normal.
- Effects of care recipients’ behaviour – FernandaFernanda appreciates her mother’s endurance and attitude. Nonetheless, it is sometimes difficult when she relies mostly on Fernanda and refuses other help that is offered to her.
- Caring for yourself – FernandaFernanda learned that you need to have time for fun. Still, it can be hard to take time for herself.
- Impact on professional life and career – FernandaFernanda asks employers to put themselves in the caregivers’ shoes; it is really hard to balance care and work.
- Impact on health – FernandaA social worker helped Fernanda find the skills she needs to cope with her situation.
- Providing support – FernandaThe toughest thing that Fernanda did was tell the doctors that she wasn’t able to care for her mother anymore at home.
- Society and caregiving – FernandaFernanda thinks it would be wonderful if people knew more about what it means to be a caregiver.